UPS AND DOWNS

Well, it's been a while since I have posted, and it feels like I've been on an emotional, and physical, roller-coaster just about that whole time. I've been surprised by the degree of highs and lows I have experienced. A lot, of course, is not knowing what to expect from the investigational drug trial I am involved with, but I have also been surprised at the progression of symptoms I have been feeling. Even though the actual volume of cancer cells is relatively small, the negative symptoms they have been causing has eliminated my ability to run and markedly limited even my walking.

I have been taking over-the-counter analgesics for the past week or so and have required occasional prescription (narcotic) analgesics for some of the pain which is not controlled through meditation/relaxation techniques. I am almost never without pain, and that is very wearing, both physically and psychologically.

I've been "experimenting" with my activity to see of there is any correlation between it and the pain, but there seems to be so many variables that I cannot come up with any direct cause and effect relationships. So, I do what I can, when I can, trying to walk, swim or work out as much as possible, even though it may not be every day.

I start "puttering" around the house in the mornings, now that our renovation is essentially finished, doing all those little things like assembling Ikea furniture, hanging pictures, moving around furniture, thinking I'll exercise later in the day, but all of a sudden it is later in the day and I'm wiped out. So, from now on I will prioritize my exercise to the mornings and, if I feel up to it, do the "puttering" in the afternoons.

As my symptoms worsen, especially the pain, I'd like to think it is an effect of the investigational drug I am on - that the war inside my body has started and I'm feeling the effects of intense battles between my immune system and the cancer. Keeping that in mind helps me tolerate the pain.