NO PAIN, NO GAIN?

The frequency of my writing has dropped off a bit - primarily due to how I've been feeling. Everyone seems to react differently to ipilimumab, the known drug I am getting (I'm also getting either an investigational drug or a placebo), but a significant reaction for me has been pain. Although every day seems to be different, a typical day starts out okay with minimal discomfort, especially if I have had a restful night. Throughout the day, depending on my activity level, I gradually become more and more aware of discomfort in the area of my tumors. Usually by mid-afternoon I've tried to rest and practice some relaxation techniques, but if that doesn't make things better, it's time for the narcotics. One pill a day does it for the average day- on the rare day I might need two.

I'm convinced that the pain is a result of an inflammatory reaction precipitated by the drug and represents what I want to happen - my immune system attacking the cancer tissue.

In general, I've always been the type of person that feels hard work tends to be rewarded.
When I was involved with competitive sports I felt that if I worked harder I could compete better. In the workplace, if I wanted the best outcomes I had to work hard for them. The more effort put into something, the more reward was realized, and, usually, the hard work was accompanied by at least some level of sacrifice or discomfort. I once heard a story that early in his boxing career Cassius Clay (later Muhammad Ali) said he only started counting his daily sit-ups after they started hurting - they were the only ones that meant anything.

With this ethic in mind, I feel like I should be working harder to rid my body of cancer. But, under the circumstances, there's not much more I can do. I'm getting good nutrition, I'm using relaxation and meditation techniques to calm my mind and emotions, I'm getting adequate rest, I'm keeping a positive attitude. With a more typical health challenge I'd do more, work out more, actively do something else that would improve the situation. Right now I have to convince myself that the best thing I can do is stand back and let my immune system get this fight underway.

My immune system is obviously working hard. It's working hard enough that I feel the pain - and, hopefully, will realize the gain.